of breastfeeding, that is. Sorry to be so dramatic. But it feels dramatic.
My story of nursing Jonathan begins with a baby born three weeks early, jaundiced and sleepy, unable to latch or suckle and tongue-tied on top of it all. Jonathan never latched at the hospital and the nurses finally convinced me that he needed to have some formula when, on day three, he still hadn't gotten anything to eat. As you can imagine, I felt terrible - that my baby might be hungry or uncomfortable and that I wasn't able to address that need.
But I was determined to breastfeed, even though I could see that to some well-meaning people, I seemed stubborn and inflexible.
"What's wrong with formula? Stop stressing yourself out. It just doesn't work for some people."
True. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with formula. But breastfeeding was important to me. And it was going to work for me. And if it wasn't, I needed to know that I had given it my all.
Lactation consultants set me up with a complicated supplemental nursing system at the hospital and coached me through various hurdles over the phone in the weeks after we got home. Pain and engorgement tried to get the best of me, but did not succeed.
At first, we celebrated small victories like Jonathan taking formula/milk from the supplemental nursing system. Then came successful transfer straight from me with the shield. Then the glorious moment, over a month into the process, when we didn't need the shield anymore.
Without a doubt there was some luck involved. I am lucky that my body knew how to make milk. I am lucky to have had access to lactation consultants from Northside Hospital, and an amazing support group of breastfeeding women at Mom and Me meetings on Tuesdays. I have a lot of wonderful friends and family who have breastfed that I can look to as role models. And most importantly, I am so lucky to have a supportive and loving husband who encouraged and assisted me every step of the way. Without just one of these factors, we may not have succeeded.
But it still bothers me to hear "You're so lucky you could breastfeed." Because the work that Jeremy, Jonathan and I all put in to make this work for our family deserves more respect than that.
And 14 months later, it was all worth it.
It is bittersweet to end but on to the next fun phase of motherhood! Way to go Annie!
ReplyDeleteI don't think people mean disrespect when they say you were lucky. I won't go into ALL the work I have put into breastfeeding (maybe I'll blog about it someday--it's kind of a long and strange story), but let's just say it's cost me hundreds of dollars in lactation consultant fees and special pumps and special contraptions (sounds a lot like your first month), but 4 months in, nothing has changed. I still pump several times a day in addition to nursing, but I have never made more than 14 ounces in a 24-hour period. It's a mystery. Every little ounce is like gold, and I will keep feeding it to my baby until it all dries up (or she turns one). :)
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, you're my hero (seriously, you've been a working-mom role model to me, as most of my other friends quit their jobs after giving birth!). I don't think there are many people who would go through that much and still be committed to breastfeeding. Thank you for posting your story!